Research suggest that men get raped and sexually assaulted as often as women by both men and women. Yet male rape is a lot less reported because of societal factors, gender roles and a whole bunch of horrible myths that stop men from reporting rape and sexual assault. Also, it’s important to note that talking about male rape isn’t about stopping or taking the focus away from female rape, instead it’s actually about highlighting something that isn’t spoken about in society. All rape and sexual assault whether it’s against a man or woman is flat out wrong and it should never happen. Therefore, in this forensic psychology podcast episode, we’ll explore male rape and why an erection isn’t consent. If you like learning about forensic psychology, sexual crimes and why people do this crime then you’ll enjoy today’s episode.
Today’s psychology podcast episode has been sponsored by Forensic Psychology. Available from all major eBook retailers and you can order the paperback and hardback copies from Amazon, your local bookstore and local library, if you request it. Also available as an AI-narrated audiobook from selected audiobook platforms and library systems. For example, Kobo, Spotify, Barnes and Noble, Google Play, Overdrive, Baker and Taylor and Bibliotheca.
Why Am I Talking About Male Sexual Assault and Rape?
Just as a little introduction to this episode and why I’m personally doing this, I wanted to be upfront and honest with you about my own personal position. So I’m a victim of sexual assault, it happened about three weeks ago and I cannot emphasise how distressing, awful and foul it was. I don’t wish it on anyone and whilst you won’t hear any major details about my assault in this episode, this did happen to me. As well as I will add in my personal thoughts like always in this episode to help it come alive.
Since one of the awful things that happened after my assault was that I worked an Open Day at my university and I was talking to a lecturer that I always talk to. I really like her, she’s great and she studies forensic psychology. Even though I completely forgot her topic was sexual violence so she started talking about it and I just couldn’t listen not one week after what had happened.
And the entire reason for this podcast episode was researching sexual assault and rape really did help me during that first intense, horrific week. It helped me to understand what had happened, this was common and it really wasn’t my fault.
Therefore, even if I can help one person or inform a few people about male sexual assault then I would have done my job with today’s episode.
Some Data On Male Sexual Assault
Before we start talking about the content in any more depth, let’s look at some data, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network found that 1 in 33 men have experienced a completed or attempted rape in their lifetime and 1 out of every 10 rape victims are male. And remember, these figures are out of the reported figures, so the real numbers could be a lot, lot higher.
Furthermore, the US’s Centre for Disease Control and Prevention have shown in research that men and women are equally likely to be sexually assaulted and victims of sexual violence. Yet sexual assault against men has been severely, severely underrecognized, undertreated and underreported.
Finally, the National Crime Victimisation Survey shows that a lot of men report being sexually assaulted by women through forced penetration and coerced erections.
Overall, I hope this goes to show that male sexual assault isn’t rare and it is a lot more common than any of us realise.
Male Sexual Assault And Rape
Whilst it is very rare that male sexual assault is reported in a given year, it is true that men are victims of sexual harassment, rape and molestation on a daily basis. Also, whilst it’s tempting to think that male sexual assault is only committed by other men, in reality, it is actually an even spilt with female and male rapists.
As a result of male rape by women is a lot more common than we will ever see in the Criminal Justice System and the news as well as social media. Part of this underreport is shame and the stigma of a man “not being manly enough” because of the stupid idea that “only weak men get raped”. Yet another reason is that when women rape men, they generally get the man to have an erection and even ejaculation so this confuses and paralyses the man.
Mainly because society teaches us that if a man gets an erection then they enjoy it and that isn’t rape.
I actually remember one of my schoolfriends saying this back in my secondary school years and back then I sort of knew that wasn’t 100% right, but I had no idea how flat out wrong it was until three weeks ago.
Also, on the underreporting, why I didn’t report it was because I was embarrassed, I felt dirty, I felt so violated that I didn’t want many people to know. And I was scared to be honest. I was scared of getting hurt yet again, I was scared of the stigma and I was scared about what my friends and family would think. Of course, they loved me, supported me and they have been great since they found out. Then there is the legal issue too because I had cleaned my teeth when I got home and I had showered the next morning because I was in extreme denial. And it took me two days to admit I had been sexually assaulted and by that point there was no one DNA left on me.
There were other reasons why a prosecution would have been difficult but that isn’t the focus of this episode.
And I didn’t want to go through the whole legal process, but if someone listening does want to do this that is very important, critical and you should. If you want to press charges then you absolutely should.
In addition, having an erection isn’t consent or a sign that the person is willing or ready to have sex because an erection and ejaculation are physiological responses that we cannot control. Also, these physiological responses can occur due to pain, anxiety, fear and sexual desire or excitement.
Lastly, a final note on the underreporting, a lot of men don’t label themselves as sexual assault victims and they don’t call it what it is. Since typically when men learn that other men have been sexually assaulted they meet the disclosure with insensitivity and mockery.
Personally, it took me two full days, my two good friends and a specialist at the university to help me realise and call my assault what it was. I was in such extreme denial that I refused to label myself as a victim of sexual assault because I knew how those people were viewed in society. Yet I am a victim and once I “accepted” or realised that, it got a little bit easier because I could talk to people, contact my therapist and start recovering.
This podcast episode is part of that recovery because I want to help someone possibly.
What About Male On Male Sexual Assault? A Brief Look
So far in the episode, we’ve looked at what happens when women assault men, but let’s focus on male-on-male sexual assault. When a man is sexually assaulted by another man this carries another strand of stigma as the victim fears that other people might question their sexual preferences and their sexual orientation and there is a concern about they might be seen as “less manly” because of the assault.
This is why I don’t understand gender roles and the whole idea that men have to behave a certain way. Male mental health would be so much better if these gender-based rules of behaviour weren’t around.
Anyway, a lot of men don’t report male-on-male sexual assault because of the shame and humiliation or the perception of being weak for not fighting their attacker.
That’s actually an interesting myth about sexual assault and rape that I learnt from the specialist at the university. Everyone thinks that when someone is raped or sexually assaulted, the victims screams, fights and tries to break free. But that is very, very rare. In reality, and this happened to me, you basically get so numb and cold and an emotion that I lately realised was fear, that you don’t want it to happen, you say stop but when the attacker keeps grabbing you and carrying on. You get it over with so you can escape and run like hell after towards. Since my fear was my attacker was a lot larger than me unfortunately, so I was scared if I tried to fight back he would grab me, hurt me and the situation would be even worse.
That is why people rarely fight back.
It doesn’t make them weak or stupid and it doesn’t make what happened to them any less traumatic.
It just makes them a survivor.
Myths That Contribute To The Challenge Of Recognizing Male Sexual Assault
Below are some myths in society that contribute to people not talking, recognising and treating male sexual assault as seriously as female sexual assault (And yes, I realise there is still a long, long way to go before female sexual assault treatment is perfect).
· Men are only raped by other men.
· Erections only happen when the man is excited.
· Erections are a sign of consent.
· Men always want sex no matter what.
· Men can never have enough sex.
· Men secretly like being sexually assaulted.
· There is something wrong with a man if he doesn’t want sex.
· Ejaculation is a sign of sexual enjoyment.
· “Real men” don’t get sexually assaulted.
· Men like to be in charge in the bedroom.
All these myths are extremely harmful when it comes to recognising male sexual assault, but they don’t help the aftermath of the assault too. Since our culture views sexual violence against men as disenfranchised abuse and this means men don’t get the same emotional, legal or medical support as women do.
Therefore, these myths about men only being sexual predators that have an extreme need for sex that is engrained in the mental health, public health, medical as well as Criminal Justice Systems, they only hurt men. Since having an erection and ejaculation makes people debate if it was actually assault or not, because people believe they had to be aroused and enjoying it for that to happen.
I can personally protest that this isn’t the case. Sure, I was rock hard during my assault but I was never ever going to ejaculate and I was not enjoying it. I did not enjoy being grabbed and having a lot of different things done to me.
Interestingly, as I’m an aspiring clinical psychologist, in psychotherapy, a therapist might question the validity of the rape claim by the male victim and they might not be very convinced of the traumatic effects of the incident. So the therapist’s behaviour and attitudes tend to leave male victims feeling undermined and delegitimatized.
Another factor I want to add here is that after a sexual assault, it takes even more courage to reach out to a therapist than normal. Since I have a great relationship with my therapist and she is brilliant because I work well with her and she helped me with my child abuse trauma. Something that was slightly connected to my assault. Yet I didn’t want to contact her because I didn’t want to admit that my assault had happened. I only contacted her and had a brilliant session with her because a good friend basically ordered me to see her.
Thankfully, it worked out well.
Forensic Psychology Conclusion
Before I wrap up the podcast episode with a little more information, I want to mention that I have really enjoyed this episode. It has been tough and at the moment, I’ve only written the episode out. I am a little nervous about saying this stuff because I think having to say the R-word and the A-word so many times will be hard. But I’m still proud of myself for doing this really hard episode, because I’m revealing to the general public what happened to me and some people won’t like what I’m saying because of the myths. Other people will thankfully support me and it’s those people that I will listen to and treasure.
But ultimately, I’m doing this episode to help people. There might be another listener who has experienced an assault, rape or they might know someone who has been. I hope this episode shows these people that it’s okay, things do get better and it wasn’t their fault. This is a common experience and it flat out doesn’t make you a failure.
Society and the myth spreaders, they are the failures.
And for people who have never been a victim, I seriously hope that never changes, but I hope you now know the truth and you’ll actively challenge these myths when they pop up. Then if you work with clients and if this happens to a friend or loved one then you know more facts to help them.
Just love them, support them and listen to them. Those are my biggest takes from my experience.
Anyway, on the whole, we need to realise that when our systems don’t make victims feel like they’re taken seriously and they minimise the assault and don’t tend to take action. Then this continues the harm and suffering that male victims experience from the trauma of sexual violence.
As a result, as a society, we need to stop this minimisation and break this stigma of male sexual assault because it isn’t helpful and it certainly isn’t right. A lot of this can be done by deconstructing traditional gender stereotypes because the main problem is that currently men aren’t allowed to demonstrate their feelings besides anger, and this isn’t good. Especially when people see pain and trauma responses as a degradation of manhood and this isn’t helpful to us achieving true feminism.
In other words, true gender equality where men and women are true equals.
Additionally, we need to continue to work on deconstructing traditional ideas about what it means to be a victim. Since it’s important to note that “force” isn’t always about physical strength and being overpowered. Rapists and predators typically groom, coerce and emotionally manipulate or threaten their targets into nonconsensual sex.
Most importantly, this podcast episode and the entire point of advocating for male sexual assault victims isn’t about delegitimising or undermining violence against women. Instead I am highlighting that men can be victims too and the gender stereotype that women are helpless victims is another unhelpful and undeserved gender stereotype. In turn, this only reinforces silly ideas what about it means to be a man or woman and even more outrageous ideas that male victims are “failed” men.
No victim of sexual violence is a failure. They are a victim that needs to be supported, helped and listened to.
Overall, when it comes to male sexual violence (or women for that matter) using gender-sensitive approaches in our work is critical. We need to understand that societal norms and expectations will always impact men and women disproportionately, and this should never come at the cost of undermining boys and men that have been sexually abused. Instead we need to use inclusive approaches to our work that allow us to advocate and support victims regardless of their gender, so we can enable a culture shift to happen.
Ultimately allowing us to have more conversations about healing, prevention and providing good care for victims whatever their gender is.
I really hope you enjoyed today’s forensic psychology podcast episode.
If you want to learn more, please check out:
Forensic Psychology. Available from all major eBook retailers and you can order the paperback and hardback copies from Amazon, your local bookstore and local library, if you request it. Also available as an AI-narrated audiobook from selected audiobook platforms and library systems. For example, Kobo, Spotify, Barnes and Noble, Google Play, Overdrive, Baker and Taylor and Bibliotheca.
Have a great day.
Forensic Psychology References and Recommended Reading
Bullock, C. M., & Beckson, M. (2011). Male victims of sexual assault: Phenomenology, psychology, physiology. Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law Online, 39(2), 197-205.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Intimate Partner Violence, Sexual Violence, and Stalking Among Men.
Davies, M. (2002). Male sexual assault victims: A selective review of the literature and implications for support services. Aggression and violent behavior, 7(3), 203-214.
DiMarco, D., Mizzoni, J., & Savitz, R. (2022). On the sexual assault of men. Sexuality & Culture, 1-9.
Fuchs, S. F. (2004). Male sexual assault: Issues of arousal and consent. Clev. St. L. Rev., 51, 93.
Petreca, V. G., & Burgess, A. W. (2024). Long-Term Psychological and Physiological Effects of Male Sexual Trauma. The Journal of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law, 52(1), 23-32.
Rice, S. M., Easton, S. D., Seidler, Z. E., & Oliffe, J. L. (2022). Sexual abuse and mental ill health in boys and men: what we do and don't know. BJPsych open, 8(4), e110.
Thomas, J. C., & Kopel, J. (2023). Male victims of sexual assault: a review of the literature. Behavioral Sciences, 13(4), 304.
Widanaralalage, B. K., Hine, B. A., Murphy, A. D., & Murji, K. (2022). “I didn’t feel i was a victim”: a phenomenological analysis of the experiences of male-on-male survivors of rape and sexual abuse. Victims & Offenders, 17(8), 1147-1172.
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